The Angel From My Nightmare
by VivenBaldio
Summary: Haruhi discovers a side of Tamaki that no one believed could thrive in his cheerful and optimistic personality. TamakixHaruhi.


Greetings Valued Readers.

To be brief, since many people may skip over this:

The following is my first Ouran fanfic. It contains adult material and a very minute amount of swearing. (As in once.)

Pairing: Haruhi x Tamaki

Disclaimer: If I actually owned it, I would make money off of it instead of posting it here. I don't own it, therefore I post it here.

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**The Angel from My Nightmare**

Tamaki has suffered. His life had been trapped by the chains of the Suoh family. He has had a lot of practice hiding from everyone the extent of his pain. His doctors said it was a major depressive disorder. Those were just words. They didn't understand what he actually felt.

He knew he had to hide it. If anyone knew how much he actually hurt then they would focus on the pain. He didn't want the constant reminder. It was a pleasant release to make the girls smile and make the others happy. When he couldn't use the host club, he resorted to a form of self medication. He had learned in his biology class that when you are cut, then the brain releases dopamine, a chemical that is closely related with happiness. So he cut himself. He needed a distraction. So he had to keep this hidden. Especially from Haurhi.

If she found out then she'd get worried and his secret would get out. She'd make that face that he hates. She'd be uncomfortable around me or not want to be around me anymore at all and I can't have that. She's the only one who makes me feel worth something. As long as I can keep up this facade of happiness then I can keep this secret.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Kyoya, have you noticed anything weird about Tamaki-senpai?"

Kyoya looks towards the young rookie host. "Do you mean besides the over dramatics and the outlandish ideas and the overbearing optimism? No. Not at all."

Haruhi sighs and returns to her table to contemplate why Tamaki-senpai seems like he's hiding something. Has he always been this way? She can't remember a time where he didn't seem like he was hiding some terrible deep within his soul.

Tamaki was chasing the twins across the room for some trick that they played on him. He gave up running fruitlessly after them and came over to Haruhi's table to try and gain sympathy.

"Haruhi! Those mean twins are playing evil tricks on your daddy!" He sobbed.

"How could they? Otou-san is at home." She responds without thinking.

Tamaki begins to spaz out crying about how "His daughter has forgotten him" and ran over to the corner to grow his mushrooms.

"Senpai..." Haruhi began. She sighed and walked over to the corner in which Tamaki was growing his mushrooms. She crouched down next to him, seemingly unnoticed by Tamaki. She had never seen him so alone. His eyes were empty and dull and his usual smile was gone.

She placed a hand on his shoulder and he almost jumped out the nearby window. His eyes grew wide and he became flustered.

"Haruhi! Um... I... uh... What's up?" He diverted his eyes. _Oh shit! Why is she looking at me with those eyes! Why did she come over here?! She never does!_

"Senpai? Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Um... I have to go!" Tamaki dashed out of the room, his face burning. What was it about her that made his long dormant heart throb?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Haruhi sat in the corner for a few minutes after Tamaki rushed out of the room. What did she do? Why did it hurt so bad that he ran from her?

"Ehhh! Haru-chan! What's wrong with Tama-chan?" Hani ran up to Haruhi.

"I don't know Hani-senpai."

"You noticed too, haven't you?" he whispered secretively.

"Eh?!?!" Haruhi started.

"That Tama-chan isn't as happy as he appears. That his smile isn't entirely real." Hani smiled emptily and sat down next to Haruhi.

Haruhi looked at the third year. Hani may seem extremely childish but he was mature and had an amazing ability to read people.

"When Tamaki first talked to me, I could tell that he understood how my lifestyle was hurting me. His eyes were full of the same sorrow. But he hid it and acted happy. This effort to keep it hidden has begun to double when you joined us.

Haruhi stared at Hani. "What? Why me?"

"Because he wants you to be happy. He doesn't want you to suffer or be unhappy because of him. He likes you very much."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tamaki sat in the little gazebo in the rose garden. He sighed. Now that he was apart from her, his heart stopped and he became empty again.

Laying his head on the table, he closed his eyes. Maybe if he slept the pain would go away. The peace and quiet lulled him to sleep...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Haruhi was wandering through the rose garden, contemplating everything that Hani had said to her. She made a few lame excuses to escape the clutches of the twins and the other hosts. Tamaki was hurting? And was hiding it from her? Because he liked her? Or... more?

She looked up and saw Tamaki dozing at the gazebo. The one that they hid at while playing kick the can. Their hideout. She went and sat across from him.

"Tamaki-senpai." Haruhi said.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He wasn't asleep. But he wasn't awake either.

"Tamaki-senpai."

In this strange dream world, he looked up at her from his arms. Haruhi was sitting across from him, surrounded by vibrant roses. She was calling to him.

"Haruhi."

She smiles softly. "Tamaki. Tell me what's wrong."

"Haruhi. Nothing's wrong, now that you're here."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Haruhi could tell that he wasn't entirely wake. Tamaki's eyes were mournful and adoring as he stared at her. Hopefully she could get answers from him without him consciously pushing her away...

"Tamaki. Tell me what's wrong."

"Haruhi." He says her name with such adoration, that she is taken aback. "Nothing's wrong. Now that you're here."

_Tamaki loves me. He really does._ The feeling in his voice shows his deepest emotions. His love towards her, and the admittance that he is constantly hurting.

"How can I help you if I don't know what's wrong?"

"I can't tell you. I don't want to burden you. You deserve so much more." His eyes become dark and empty, as they were in his corner earlier.

"Tamaki..." She knew that he was closing himself off again. She needed to break through and maybe it was as simple as…

Haruhi grabbed his hand.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tamaki was shocked when Haruhi reached hesitantly across the table and grabbed his hand. He could feel the softness of her skin against his face. He took her hand in both of his and brought it up to his face, placing her palm on his cheek. Haruhi's cheeks turned a bright pink, but she didn't pull away. He knew that he was no longer dreaming and he knew that he needed to tell her the truth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I... am sick. I'm constantly sad. And full of pain. I try to find a way out. A release from the torture of my mind. The host club helped with that. And… other things. I tried to create a world where all that existed was happiness. Not the constant nothingness or mental anguish."

Tamaki struggled to put into words how he felt. Haruhi knew he was struggling. She forgot about where her hand was, engrossed by the hurt he was expressing, until she felt the tears on her thumb.

Tamaki Suoh was crying.

Not the stage crying that he usually does in the club or the crying to gain attention or the overdramatic crying. But real crying.

Haruhi gently moved her hand up, and brushed away the tears from his right eye with her thumb. He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. Then he looked at her intensely.

"Haruhi. I'm so sorry for burdening you with this. You deserve so much more than my pathetic existence."

She was at a loss on what to say. He needed help beyond what she could give.

"You are not pathetic. You're the glue that holds together the host club. We all love you. And we want the best for you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_We all love you_.

That single phrase stuck out in his mind. He is loved.

"Do you love me?" He whispers, afraid to divert his eyes from Haruhi's.

She blushed but did not look away. He took that as permission and leaned across the table to capture her mouth in an attempt to show her how critical she was in his life.

Tamaki kissed Haruhi.

His angel brought him temporary release from his nightmare.

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I appreciate reviews, but if you are going to criticize, please do it constructively.

Thank you to kyuuketsuki fang for assisting in editing.

If reviewers request it, I can post an epilogue.


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